If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
