I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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