So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
