This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
