guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
