My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
