If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
