my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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