he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
