Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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