Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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