You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
