I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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