why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
