Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
