dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
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Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
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He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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