k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
