I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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