I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
