i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
