At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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