So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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