Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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