Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
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I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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