its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
