Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
