Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize