What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
