My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
