We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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