is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
