yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize