is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
