How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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