that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
