My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
