cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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