They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
