I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
