i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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