I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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