are you still at the devil's house?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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