im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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