But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why are your pants in the freezer?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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