I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Randomize
