It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
