Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
