i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
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You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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