please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
