if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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