i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I need a beard to bite.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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