You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
