3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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