look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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