Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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