i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
