This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
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so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
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he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
its liver damage thursday
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