You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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